Roderick Spode presents his Annual Corona Report

By Ashok Bhatia



At the 2nd Annual General Meeting of the shareholders of the Global Corona Corporation (GCC), Roderick Spode, the Vice President (Operations) of the company, presented his Annual Report for the period from April 2020 to March 2021.

Here are some of the salient features of his report.

  1. Due to the aggressive marketing policies followed by GCC, brand Covid has captured a major share of the market during the year under reference. As of now, close to 136 million people have suffered from this onslaught, while as many as 2.94 million have kicked the bucket. This has reduced the pressure on the limited resources of our planet.
  2. If the world population is taken to be 7.8 billion, during the last year, GCC has touched a mere 0.02% of human beings. This shows the immense market potential which lies untapped for the products and services of GCC in the times to come. We have already trained an army of Red Shorts volunteering to help us expand our footprints across all the continents. The Honourable Frederick Threepwood, the famous marketing guru who is an expert at selling Donaldson’s Dog Joy biscuits, is already on our panel of distinguished advisors.
  3. Enthused by our success so far and its future potential, several mutants of the virus have also got launched in quick succession, keeping the Homo sapiens in a continuous state of fear and stress, twiddling their thumbs trying to figure out ways and means of countering the pandemic.
  4. This has spurred a faster transformation to digital ways of handling transactions and led to a faster evolution of Industrial Revolution 4.0. Aunt Dahlia, who had always thrived on communicating by means of telegraphic means, is delighted at the simple life she lives now. Aunt Agatha now resorts to using video calls to give a piece of her mind to her errant nephew, Bertie Wooster.
  5. Reduction of Global CO2 emissions, leading to a cleaner environment, promoting healthier flora and fauna, making Lord Emsworth a happy man.
  6. Fault lines in managing economies have been exposed and the severe limitations of capitalism brought back in focus. Billionaires world over have improved their personal wealth by 54% during the period, while the poor are struggling to keep their body and souls together. Perhaps they followed what Ukridge preached that one accumulates only when one speculates. Those who believe in get-rich-quick schemes based on the stock market are also quickly learning to live with get-poor-quick outcomes instead. Office bearers of the Senior Conservative Club are appalled at the number of nouveau riche billionaires on their waiting list seeking membership.
  7. Globally, politicos heading the so-called democratic countries have been successfully nudged to shed their sheep-wool clothing and instead reveal their wolf-like dictatorial ambitions. Truth has been revealed for the greater good, though human rights and journalistic freedoms have been trampled upon ruthlessly. Taking a leaf out of my own outrage when a prized silver cow creamer goes missing, opposition leaders and intellectuals have been beaten into a jelly. One salutes such leaders who have nerves of chilled steel and would not mind either getting hit by a potato in the eye at election rallies or having to kiss babies dribbling at their mouths at Bonny Baby contests.
  8. Many countries have quickly learnt the art of covering up deficiencies in their economic growth and health infrastructure, keeping their statisticians busy perfecting their models of exponential smoothening. We live in an increasingly macho and muscle-flexing world, aided and abetted by our social media giants, devoid of noisy and argumentative democracies and led by leaders who decide policies based on window-dressed data submitted by Yes-persons around them. The prospects for an unbridled growth of GCC’s operations are indeed brighter.
  9. Companies in several sectors and specialists of hues, sizes and shapes are laughing all the way to their banks: pharmaceuticals, personal hygiene, immunity boosters, physical fitness, motivators, loony doctors, yoga-gurus-turned-business-honchos, management experts, mentors, internet service providers and online streaming platforms launched by the likes of Perfecto-Zizzbaum Corporation, to name only a few.
  10. A massive restructuring of jobs, highlighting the following needs of the businesses: (a) getting rid of the deadwood, (b) rapid re-skilling and (c) downsizing physical infrastructure while encouraging work-from-home. Mike Jackson has already helped organizations to go in for such changes.
  11. In turn, husbands reluctant to learn such home making skills as cooking, cleaning dishes, changing diapers and doing the laundry are mending their ways. They are realizing the true meaning of chivalry, as recommended by Bertie Wooster. Homemakers, overwhelmed by the continuous presence of a dominating spouse and naughty children at home are queuing up for consultations with such loony doctors as Sir Roderick Glossop.
  12. Getting business owners and CEOs to hone their skills of Decision Making in Extreme Uncertainty, thereby making them hotter on their jobs. In turn, they enrich the syllabi of premier management institutes the world over. Rupert Psmith is now a much sought after consultant on the subject, even helping CEOs to respect values and ethics in their decision making, identify the core purpose of their businesses and thus making their organizations evolve into conscious ones.
  13. Improving the resilience of the hoi polloi who had so far been unable to handle the harsh slings and arrows of Fate with equanimity and aplomb. Reginald Jeeves is conducting some useful workshops to attend to this segment of our operations.
  14. Cupid is busy with his e-initiatives. Betrothed couples keep postponing a walk down the aisle, thereby keeping the tender flame of love alive. This has helped many of them to live through an extended period of intense romance, delaying the mummification of the corpse of love which often takes place after a marriage gets sanctified.
  15. Highlighting the effectiveness of the following anti-depressants: quality time with loved ones, an abundance of the milk of human kindness, literature, fine arts, uplifting movies and humour as effective anti-depressants.
  16. Promoting a healthier lifestyle amongst the couch potatoes by promoting Larsen Exercises, walking, cycling, partaking nourishment which would meet with the approval of Laura Pyke and feasting on tissue restoratives with such ingredients as turmeric, basil and the like.
  17. Spiritual evolution of the human species by allowing them adequate time to connect with their inner selves and practice meditation as well as introspection.

                                The Annual General Meeting was followed by a world premiere of the award winning movie The Corona Gladiators, presented by Mr Schnellenhamer, the head of the Perfecto-Zizzbaum Corporation.

                                The premiere was followed by a lavish spread dished out by Anatole, God’s gift to our gastric juices.

                                On the occasion, all the shareholders also received gift coupons of Eulalie Soeurs, the premium brand of ladies’ lingerie.

                                (The GCC grapevine would make us believe that Roderick Spode could soon be promoted to head the company as its Chief Executive Officer.)

                                (Illustration courtesy Mr Suvarna Sanyal)


                                Ashok Bhatia is an occasional author, a speaker, a regular blogger and content creator on such topics as Management, P G Wodehouse, Bollywood and life in general. Based on his 35 years+ experience in the corporate world, he is acutely aware and conscious of the need for high values and ethics in business. Almost all his articles and books have an underlying current highlighting this very theme. In him, one finds a fierce critic of any kind of compromises on this front. He believes that business ships which are built on a keel of sound values end up not only having a better brand equity but also yield better returns to their stakeholders. When businesses are broad minded and give back to the society at large, they serve a higher purpose. His blog posts can be accessed at ashokbhatia.wordpress.com.

                                Comments

                                Post a Comment

                                Popular posts from this blog

                                Image
                                Conscious Leadership By Vanessa Bright (2020) More than ever before, it is necessary to shift into a new paradigm concerning business ethics, operations and principles. Existing business structures are no longer sustainable on a long term basis, and more and more, leaders are exploring new ways in order to balance the welfare of their teams with creating revenue, that is not engineered from corrupt methods that exist within some large corporations at their highest levels. At the moment, the closest conscious structure that we have in place, is to provide employees with corporate responsibility programmes, which assist in mental health and well-being. As proven, these methods are short term and short lived i.e. they do not address the root cause to why many employees fall sick each year and are unfulfilled with their roles. Personally, I can see that many people are attempting to relive the current ways of operating in business, but I can also see that this is clearly not working for th...
                                Read more
                                Image
                                The informative Human, by D. Conterno (2023)  Manolis Kellis is a prominent scientist and computational biologist known for his genomics and gene regulation research. He is currently a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and a member of the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard. Kellis and his team have developed computational methods for analysing the human genome and understanding the regulatory networks that control gene expression.   Genomics One of Kellis's most significant contributions to the field of genomics is the development of the ENCODE project. ENCODE stands for Encyclopedia of DNA Elements, an international collaboration that aims to identify and analyse all functional elements in the human genome. The project has produced an enormous amount of data and has helped to shed light on the complex mechanisms that regulate gene expression.   Kellis has also developed other genomics tools and resources, such as the Genomics of Drug ...
                                Read more

                                Conscious Leadership in Geopolitics: Nurturing Global Stability and Progress

                                Image
                                  Conscious Leadership in Geopolitics: Nurturing Global Stability and Progress, by D. Conterno (2023) Geopolitics, the study of how geography influences politics and international relations, plays a crucial role in shaping the world we live in today. In this complex and interconnected global landscape, the importance of conscious leadership cannot be overstated. Conscious leadership refers to leaders who possess a deep sense of self-awareness, care, empathy, and a commitment to ethical decision-making. When applied to the realm of geopolitics, conscious leadership becomes a powerful force that can foster global stability, promote cooperation, and drive sustainable progress. Bridging Global Divides through Conscious and Ethical Politics One of the key attributes of conscious leadership is the ability to understand and appreciate the perspectives of others. In geopolitics, leaders who possess this quality are more likely to engage in meaningful dialogue, seek common ground, and fin...
                                Read more